Fail of the Century 2000 Perodua Kenari

There’s nothing wrong with cheap, unpretentious urban transportation. And, give 2000’s Perodua Kenari its due, it was nothing if not very cheap and very unpretentious. Based on the Daihatsu Move kei car, the Kenari was, for its size, quite practical, on account of boasting the precise proportions, and indeed dimensions, of an actual shoebox. It wouldn’t cost you much in fuel, not least because all your family and friends would politely turn down the offer of a lift.

And you didn’t need to worry about a big repair bill in the event of a shunt, mostly because it was impossible to tell which bits had actually been damaged.

All good, then. The only teeny, tiny issue was… oh dear Lord would you just look at it. Wearing an expression that said “I know, I can’t believe they did this to me either, please end my pain”, the Kenari’s woeful, pity inducing face was only matched by its woeful, pity inducing stance and bodywork. Never before has a car looked so sorry for itself. Never before has a car had more reason to look so sorry for itself.

Kenari, incidentally, translates as ‘canary’: a name that, according to Perodua, denoted the “joy and freedom” that imbued this car. The traditional fate of the canary, of course, was being sent to quietly, expendably perish at the bottom of an inky mineshaft. In the case of the Kenari, it’d have been a mercy killing...